Learning and Going...

I’m reading a book with a friend.  Well we aren’t exactly reading it together; I’m reading it while she is reading it.  She is going to a group to talk about it.  I started reading it just to know more about her.  Now I’m reading it because it has plucked a heart string.  

The author has talked about the will of God.  And since I have been on a journey trying to figure out what that means for me next, it has significant impact for me.  

The author hasn’t blown me away yet.  But he has said some things that ring true.  Sometimes authors have a way of saying things that I think I thought but didn’t realize I thought them.  Or maybe I thought them but didn’t know how to say them.  

I’ve traveled a lot since being back.  I’ve been to Texas to see a girl.  I’ve been to Georgetown to see old friends.  I’ve been to Falmouth to make some visits and remember another time my heart got broken.  I’ve been to Tulahoma to visit a best friend.  I’ve been to Louisville in hopes of finding a new best friend.  I’ve continued my journey although the Africa part ended.  I landed four weeks and two days ago…almost to the minute.  I’ve had milestones that I might never forget over the last four weeks...some of them good and some of them not so good.  I’ve prayed for jobs and relationships.  I’ve sought out what is next for my life.

I was asked again this morning, by a group of people who have known me much of my life.  “What is next?”  I thought I knew a few years ago.  Now I only know that I want to know.  I took a week to ask for a clear call.  I wanted to know if I should pursue or back off.  I never found clarity in one or the other.  But I guess I have now.  

This book says that is the norm.  I want God’s will to always be burning bushes or angels with trumpets.  I guess usually they aren’t.  Usually we are to follow what we already know.  I know I’ve been called to go.  I know I’ve been called to serve.  I know I’ve been called into community.  I know I must do those things even if I don’t know where or how yet.  

I still want God to clarify my call.  But I ask more today that he will give me the strength to go rather than the knowledge of where.  Abraham was faithful without knowing where, I want to be that bold.  Paul followed blindly (literally).  I want to follow as the heroes of our faith did and continue to do today.  

So I will follow.  I’ll keep reading and hope that between the scriptures and Erwin I get more insight.  But I’ll go.  This week I’ll go to the east.  I’ll add Virginia and Maryland to my places I’ve been.  I’ll live in community again.  I’ll venture out to do the things I know are right and merely hope that along the way I’ll learn the specifics of what to do and who will do that with me.  Along the way I’ll get hurt; but I’ll heal.  Along the way I’ll go astray, but the shepherd will always bring me back.  I’ll read more books and pray more prayers.  And because he has never failed me yet; the father will speak.  He may speak in ways other than I expect or anticipate, but speak he will.  He always has.