Honor and Obedience...

(After rereading this post, it really isn't very good. So if you're not interested just stop reading here. Not like there are many still around to read this thing anyway.)

I work with college students. College and the year or two after are an interesting time in the life of a student and in the lives of their parents.

I graduated high school over 10 years ago. (Wow! I'm old!) Only a few months after finishing high school, I packed up my truck and my Dad's truck and we moved me to college - 4 hours from home. I wanted to be away from home, but still close enough I could get back when I needed to do so. I was close to my parents and my family. They tell me that between the two of them someone cried the entire four hour drive home.

The summer after my freshman year was a tough time for us. I lived at home for the summer. I was a youth intern at a church other than the one I had grown up in. I worked long days and I didn't want to be at home much. I was used to the college life where hanging out started at 10pm. I had forgotten what it meant to ask my parents permission for things. I had spent a year living my own life and making my own choices.

That summer created a rift between my parents and me, especially my mom as we had always been especially close. But it began to form a new relationship between my parents and me. That next school year I started dating a girl. My parents weren't huge fans. They liked the girl, but they had some concerns about our relationship. We disagreed with one another. Amy and I dated for about a year and a half. When we broke up it was for totally different reasons then my parents had held.

It was tough for us to work through these differences of opinion, but it continued to redefine the relationship I have with my parents.

Today my parents are something totally different to me than they were 10 or 12 years ago. Now they are friends, mentors, wise counselors. They aren't rule makers; they don't tell me what to do (even though sometimes I wish they would).

I'm not sure how to help college students and their parents through this journey. It has been happening since the beginning of time - this transition to adulthood. But how do I help students take the plunge? How do I help them see it is not dishonor to disagree? How do I walk with them as they struggle through the heartache of disagreeing with their parents for the first time?
I read in Proverbs 4 this morning where the author says children are to listen and learn from the rules of their parents. Then they are told to keep their rules. Does a transition happen eventually, or is this a life long command? Is the voice of my parents always to carry more weight than any other voice? Is the challenge hear listening and learning wisdom more than always asking "how high" when they say jump?

I walk through this with students, but I'm also walking through it with a friend right now. She loves her parents dearly. She has never disagreed with them on a life choice. It is hard for her parents and for her. It is hard for me to remember what it was like. I don't remember all of the difficulties of the transition. I don't always know wise words to help her with the struggle.

Today my parents and I have a beautiful relationship. I pastor them and they pastor me. They are one of the first I call when big decisions arise. They are one of my most treasured wise voices...I call them to share heartache and joy, victory and defeat. We have a wonderful love and respect for each other. They know I must now make my own choices and they even desire it. But they try to help protect me from pitfalls and guide me towards Christ.

The time between the two is difficult. I hope that I can learn how to make the difficult part easier for all parties involved.