So after months of waiting a passion has been renewed. It has been hard. After six months I am beginning to feel like I’m returning to some kind of normalcy. Now please don’t take that as unchanged. I’ve been changed; life will never look the same for me. But I’m beginning to feel comfortable in who I am again. I lost that for quite sometime.
I have sent a few resumes to churches. Long ago I felt the local body was my passion, my call. I followed the master some other directions but they have led back to this place. I’m searching. I’m looking on job sites and talking to contacts. I’m putting my name in the hat. Not sure what I will or will qualify for, but doesn’t that old saying go something like, “God calls the available, not the equipped.” He does the equipping and I have been equipped. He is still preparing me. I have not yet “arrived.” But I’m still coming.
Currently two options stand out. One is in Nashville. It is a plant and they are looking for a senior pastor. This role has been my desire for years. It is fun to pursue it again. The other is in Atlanta. It is doing missions work. Both sound exciting. Perhaps one is a fit. I’m also looking into some other things. But these two stand out.
Confirmation has come in so many ways lately. I led at a youth weekend. It was such a blessing. I taught some people about storying. I did my first funeral. So much has happened. Some of them have been hard, but I have been reminded each time that this is the call on my life.
A few continue to pop in here from time to time. Join me in seeking the Father’s guidance.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Update...
I had mentioned my friend with cancer. She passed away last week. I did my first funeral Saturday. It wasn't alot of fun. But my prayer is a woman was remembered and God was honored.
Friday, February 23, 2007
In Pursuit...
Believe it or not I’m working a bit. I know some of you thought that would never happen. I’m doing a bit of substitute teaching. I’m not sure I’m going to keep doing it very long. I have an even greater respect for teachers now though. Some kids can be a pain in the butt.
I’m not stopping because of that though. The problem is a need to make some real money. Now I’ve never been one to seek high pay. I remember a time in college when I was looking at two different jobs. One job really scared me because they wanted to pay three times more than the other. The jobs were very similar. I didn’t want it to look like I was taking the higher pay. I’m not looking for great pay right now. I just need enough work and enough pay to pay the bills. Thankfully I don’t even have a lot of bills right now. Problem is I’m only getting a couple days of work a week.
So I’m looking into other options. I may still sub a bit on the side, but it won’t be a primary thing. I’ve talked to some people about waiting tables. I may look into a little more long term job possibilities if it looks like I might stay here a while.
I’m trying to make some long term decisions right now. A possibility to stay here has come up. Not yet sure if it is something I want to pursue. But I’m definitely praying a lot about it. I’ve also considered moving towards Baltimore. I’ve got a great friend up there. I’d love to spend some time around him and the community he pastors.
For a time in Africa I was miserable. I wasn’t happy with the job I was doing. I wasn’t happy with my community. I was dying. I was questioning if God ever even called me to Africa. I was in a tough place. I made a decision then that I never wanted to be in a place that I was that unhappy. I didn’t like waking up and going to work. I was miserable. I want to find a place and a work I’m excited about. I want to enjoy getting up and going to work. I want to be excited about what the day holds. I’m not there right now. I found that place again in Africa. It was so amazing; so fulfilling. I need to find that place again.
I’m not stopping because of that though. The problem is a need to make some real money. Now I’ve never been one to seek high pay. I remember a time in college when I was looking at two different jobs. One job really scared me because they wanted to pay three times more than the other. The jobs were very similar. I didn’t want it to look like I was taking the higher pay. I’m not looking for great pay right now. I just need enough work and enough pay to pay the bills. Thankfully I don’t even have a lot of bills right now. Problem is I’m only getting a couple days of work a week.
So I’m looking into other options. I may still sub a bit on the side, but it won’t be a primary thing. I’ve talked to some people about waiting tables. I may look into a little more long term job possibilities if it looks like I might stay here a while.
I’m trying to make some long term decisions right now. A possibility to stay here has come up. Not yet sure if it is something I want to pursue. But I’m definitely praying a lot about it. I’ve also considered moving towards Baltimore. I’ve got a great friend up there. I’d love to spend some time around him and the community he pastors.
For a time in Africa I was miserable. I wasn’t happy with the job I was doing. I wasn’t happy with my community. I was dying. I was questioning if God ever even called me to Africa. I was in a tough place. I made a decision then that I never wanted to be in a place that I was that unhappy. I didn’t like waking up and going to work. I was miserable. I want to find a place and a work I’m excited about. I want to enjoy getting up and going to work. I want to be excited about what the day holds. I’m not there right now. I found that place again in Africa. It was so amazing; so fulfilling. I need to find that place again.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Unrelated Family...
Last week I stopped in my parents’ restaurant. I went in to see if my brother was around. When I got there he told me a couple ladies asked about me. Two women were there who worked for Dad years ago. I was reminded of something as we sat and talked.
I thought of my time in Africa. I remembered how their concepts of family were so different than what I remembered growing up with. They have an understanding of community as family. They live near one another. They share with one another. They help with raising kids. I realized I had more of that growing up than I remembered. I did much of my growing up in a restaurant that my parents opened when I was 5.
As I sat and talked with these women I remembered that they had been like family to me. They had helped participate in my upbringing. I had watched them work hard and love people. I had watched them poor love into me and I was better for having received it.
One of them is sick. She has battled with cancer for a while. A couple of years ago they told her that she wasn’t going to live past Christmas. She is still alive but struggling. They have stopped her chemo. They decided it has worked as long as it can.
She talked to my Dad on the phone while I was there. She told him that she was trying to wait for them to return before she died. Not long after the conversation she asked me a favor. She told me that she had asked Dad before to do her funeral. The favor of me was if she didn’t make it until he got home would I take his place. I was caught off guard. I told her that of course I would do it, but then I told her I didn’t want to do it so why didn’t she just wait until Dad came home. She assured me she was trying.
Yesterday, they found two more tumors. This time they are in her brain. They started radiation treatment. We aren’t sure how well it will work or how long it may continue her life. I hope that if her days are few or many that I am able to be used as a light for her and her one remaining son.
I thought of my time in Africa. I remembered how their concepts of family were so different than what I remembered growing up with. They have an understanding of community as family. They live near one another. They share with one another. They help with raising kids. I realized I had more of that growing up than I remembered. I did much of my growing up in a restaurant that my parents opened when I was 5.
As I sat and talked with these women I remembered that they had been like family to me. They had helped participate in my upbringing. I had watched them work hard and love people. I had watched them poor love into me and I was better for having received it.
One of them is sick. She has battled with cancer for a while. A couple of years ago they told her that she wasn’t going to live past Christmas. She is still alive but struggling. They have stopped her chemo. They decided it has worked as long as it can.
She talked to my Dad on the phone while I was there. She told him that she was trying to wait for them to return before she died. Not long after the conversation she asked me a favor. She told me that she had asked Dad before to do her funeral. The favor of me was if she didn’t make it until he got home would I take his place. I was caught off guard. I told her that of course I would do it, but then I told her I didn’t want to do it so why didn’t she just wait until Dad came home. She assured me she was trying.
Yesterday, they found two more tumors. This time they are in her brain. They started radiation treatment. We aren’t sure how well it will work or how long it may continue her life. I hope that if her days are few or many that I am able to be used as a light for her and her one remaining son.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Reconnecting...
I’ve had so many conversations in the last couple weeks. It has been great. Some of them have been exhausting. It is hard to see people I haven’t seen in so long. We have chats about life in the last few years. It isn’t always easy to talk about all of the hurts and joys of the last couple years.
All of the talks are good. Some of the conversations are incredibly uplifting. I had a couple of those today. I saw an old friend who was incredibly uplifting and inspiring. She has such a connection with the father. She was able to sit and listen to me share my story. Afterwards she spoke such words of affirmation and wisdom into my life. She spoke amazing words of encouragement for where I am right now. Some days are really tough. She understood; she empathized; she encouraged. It was so amazing.
This afternoon I saw a mentor. It was amazing. I haven’t seen him in 2½ years. He has had a stroke since then. He looks great. It was one of those chats that is so inspiring I left filled with emotion. He walks with a limp now; he couldn’t shake my hand because of a brace on his arm; he talks with a bit of a slur. Yet, the man is amazing. He is still filled with such peace, such joy, such insight and wisdom.
To be affirmed by a mentor is a powerful thing. They hold the ability to mold you. You willingly place your life in their hands asking that they craft you. They offer themselves up to God to help guide your formation. He has guided me. He continues do so. I’ve never had a real mentor. I’ve always hoped for them. This man has served as one like few others. It was such a phenomenal chance to sit with him and catch up.
God has blessed me with amazing friends, and teachers, and loved ones, and colleagues. These weeks to reconnect with them have been powerful.
All of the talks are good. Some of the conversations are incredibly uplifting. I had a couple of those today. I saw an old friend who was incredibly uplifting and inspiring. She has such a connection with the father. She was able to sit and listen to me share my story. Afterwards she spoke such words of affirmation and wisdom into my life. She spoke amazing words of encouragement for where I am right now. Some days are really tough. She understood; she empathized; she encouraged. It was so amazing.
This afternoon I saw a mentor. It was amazing. I haven’t seen him in 2½ years. He has had a stroke since then. He looks great. It was one of those chats that is so inspiring I left filled with emotion. He walks with a limp now; he couldn’t shake my hand because of a brace on his arm; he talks with a bit of a slur. Yet, the man is amazing. He is still filled with such peace, such joy, such insight and wisdom.
To be affirmed by a mentor is a powerful thing. They hold the ability to mold you. You willingly place your life in their hands asking that they craft you. They offer themselves up to God to help guide your formation. He has guided me. He continues do so. I’ve never had a real mentor. I’ve always hoped for them. This man has served as one like few others. It was such a phenomenal chance to sit with him and catch up.
God has blessed me with amazing friends, and teachers, and loved ones, and colleagues. These weeks to reconnect with them have been powerful.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
On Tour...
I'm hanging out in Texas. Seeing some old friends and some not so old friends, but friends none the less. I've been in the Dallas area; I'm headed to Houston; I'm headed to Waco. In between I'm hitting a few other places.
If you around I hope we can meet up. It has been so good to see people!!
If you around I hope we can meet up. It has been so good to see people!!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Travel Difficulties...
The travels continue, but this time with a couple glitches. I made a last minute trip to Colorado to visit a friend. The visit was only going to be a couple days. I landed late Saturday; left Wednesday afternoon.
From the moment I landed problems began. They lost my luggage. I guess that doesn’t only happen on flights to Africa. The line of people who had lost their luggage was probably 20 deep. They gave us a number we could call instead. When I called the number I spent a long time on the phone with a computer. Finally they put me in a queue to wait for an agent. They told me it would be a 16 minute wait. Then 14, then 12, then 15, then 9, then 17, then 19. I was about to get mad when someone answered.
My luggage took a vacation of its own…to Utah. Now how would my luggage get to Utah when I went from Nashville, to Dallas, to Denver? I will never understand how that happens. They told me my bags would arrive on Sunday morning at 10 or so. Apparently it would take an hour to find it and log it and I should have it an hour or so later. It didn’t happen that way. Finally my bag arrived 24 hours after I did. They gave me permission to buy a few necessities and I’ll probably try and get some vouchers or something too.
If that wasn’t enough the problems continued. My friend left to go back to California Tuesday night. Wednesday morning snow started…lots of snow. I was supposed to fly out Wednesday afternoon. It didn’t happen. When I called to reschedule because of my canceled flight, they said, “We might have a flight on the 24th.” I wasn’t real happy. They looked at other carriers for me and then realized they couldn’t change carriers because it was a weather deal and therefore “not their fault.” Finally they found a ticket for Saturday.
The snow continued until Thursday afternoon late. There is probably 2 feet of snow or more on the ground. One drift behind the house I’m in is probably 6 feet tall. It is crazy.
So I’m here. Buried in snow and hoping the problems are done. If all goes well I should be back in Kentucky by Saturday night. Then I’ll begin the festivities. It will be a different Christmas. Now I’m home and most of my family has gone to Africa. Do you think they are trying to stay away from me? Ryan and I will have a great time together, but it will be different.
Pray for my travels and Merry Christmas!
From the moment I landed problems began. They lost my luggage. I guess that doesn’t only happen on flights to Africa. The line of people who had lost their luggage was probably 20 deep. They gave us a number we could call instead. When I called the number I spent a long time on the phone with a computer. Finally they put me in a queue to wait for an agent. They told me it would be a 16 minute wait. Then 14, then 12, then 15, then 9, then 17, then 19. I was about to get mad when someone answered.
My luggage took a vacation of its own…to Utah. Now how would my luggage get to Utah when I went from Nashville, to Dallas, to Denver? I will never understand how that happens. They told me my bags would arrive on Sunday morning at 10 or so. Apparently it would take an hour to find it and log it and I should have it an hour or so later. It didn’t happen that way. Finally my bag arrived 24 hours after I did. They gave me permission to buy a few necessities and I’ll probably try and get some vouchers or something too.
If that wasn’t enough the problems continued. My friend left to go back to California Tuesday night. Wednesday morning snow started…lots of snow. I was supposed to fly out Wednesday afternoon. It didn’t happen. When I called to reschedule because of my canceled flight, they said, “We might have a flight on the 24th.” I wasn’t real happy. They looked at other carriers for me and then realized they couldn’t change carriers because it was a weather deal and therefore “not their fault.” Finally they found a ticket for Saturday.
The snow continued until Thursday afternoon late. There is probably 2 feet of snow or more on the ground. One drift behind the house I’m in is probably 6 feet tall. It is crazy.
So I’m here. Buried in snow and hoping the problems are done. If all goes well I should be back in Kentucky by Saturday night. Then I’ll begin the festivities. It will be a different Christmas. Now I’m home and most of my family has gone to Africa. Do you think they are trying to stay away from me? Ryan and I will have a great time together, but it will be different.
Pray for my travels and Merry Christmas!
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Transitioning...
The last couple of weeks have been so valuable in helping me transition to being back here. I’ve struggled. It has been so much harder getting used to being back in the States. I didn’t anticipate the struggles. I didn’t anticipating having such a hard time.
I’m not sure what I want to do. I’m not sure where I want to be. I came back with some ideas and many of them have either changed or fallen apart. I applied for a job…found out I’m not qualified. I’ve pursued some things and missed out on some things. Now I’m in a place where I am sitting and waiting.
On Halloween I started a drive to
A friend asked me a question I didn’t know how to answer. “What is God trying to teach you right now?” All I could come up with is that there is some reason I am waiting. There is some reason the things I’ve hoped for continue to fall through.
After
Almost 10 years ago I was called to some type of ministry. For the most part living out that call has always been attached to a local body. Yet, when I returned from overseas I was questioning that. I wasn’t sure I had the giftings, the abilities, or the passion to pursue that any longer. I started looking for larger organizations to work with. Largely I questioned my ability to do what I used to love. Horizon helped me remember my call. It helped me rediscover some of my passions. It was a blessing. The chance to be in the midst of that community was huge. A new thing I’m considering is moving that way. After some time here I may consider moving to
However I’m not ready yet. Brenda asked the question, “What is God trying to teach you?” Mark may have helped me answer that question. Mark is great at speaking truth into my life. He knows how to challenge me and encourage me all at the same time.
He helped me realize that I tend to use outside elements to help define who I am. At times I have been defined by school. I’ve been defined by the family I belong to. I’ve been defined by my job, especially my ministry jobs. I’ve been defined by my community. It isn’t so much that these people or things have dictated who I am. Rather they validate who I am. Mark helped me realize that I have a chance to change that right now. I have no job. Most of my family is elsewhere. I have no community. I’m not attached to a church. Currently it is just me. Well, it is me and the God who created and called me in the first place. I want to reconnect with him. I want to be defined by nothing other than Christ and his kingdom.
I live life now with two primary goals. 1.) I want to live the kingdom. I want to be defined by nothing more than the master and his call on my life. 2.) I want to build a better relationship with my brother. I’m hoping that we can move past being connected by birth to being connected as friends. I’m not sure how to achieve either of these things. I’m not good at sitting and waiting on God. I’m not sure how to be his child and nothing more. I’m also not sure what to do with my brother. I’m not sure what it looks like to redefine who we are. I’m not sure how to overcome the obstacles that stand in the way.
Pray with me as I consider what the future holds. Pray with me as I let the savior and nothing else be the defining factor in my life. Ask for wisdom as I seek the Father. Ask for wisdom as I grow closer to my brother. Join me in seeking to live the kingdom in all we do.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Learning and Going...
I’m reading a book with a friend. Well we aren’t exactly reading it together; I’m reading it while she is reading it. She is going to a group to talk about it. I started reading it just to know more about her. Now I’m reading it because it has plucked a heart string.
The author has talked about the will of God. And since I have been on a journey trying to figure out what that means for me next, it has significant impact for me.
The author hasn’t blown me away yet. But he has said some things that ring true. Sometimes authors have a way of saying things that I think I thought but didn’t realize I thought them. Or maybe I thought them but didn’t know how to say them.
I’ve traveled a lot since being back. I’ve been to Texas to see a girl. I’ve been to Georgetown to see old friends. I’ve been to Falmouth to make some visits and remember another time my heart got broken. I’ve been to Tulahoma to visit a best friend. I’ve been to Louisville in hopes of finding a new best friend. I’ve continued my journey although the Africa part ended. I landed four weeks and two days ago…almost to the minute. I’ve had milestones that I might never forget over the last four weeks...some of them good and some of them not so good. I’ve prayed for jobs and relationships. I’ve sought out what is next for my life.
I was asked again this morning, by a group of people who have known me much of my life. “What is next?” I thought I knew a few years ago. Now I only know that I want to know. I took a week to ask for a clear call. I wanted to know if I should pursue or back off. I never found clarity in one or the other. But I guess I have now.
This book says that is the norm. I want God’s will to always be burning bushes or angels with trumpets. I guess usually they aren’t. Usually we are to follow what we already know. I know I’ve been called to go. I know I’ve been called to serve. I know I’ve been called into community. I know I must do those things even if I don’t know where or how yet.
I still want God to clarify my call. But I ask more today that he will give me the strength to go rather than the knowledge of where. Abraham was faithful without knowing where, I want to be that bold. Paul followed blindly (literally). I want to follow as the heroes of our faith did and continue to do today.
So I will follow. I’ll keep reading and hope that between the scriptures and Erwin I get more insight. But I’ll go. This week I’ll go to the east. I’ll add Virginia and Maryland to my places I’ve been. I’ll live in community again. I’ll venture out to do the things I know are right and merely hope that along the way I’ll learn the specifics of what to do and who will do that with me. Along the way I’ll get hurt; but I’ll heal. Along the way I’ll go astray, but the shepherd will always bring me back. I’ll read more books and pray more prayers. And because he has never failed me yet; the father will speak. He may speak in ways other than I expect or anticipate, but speak he will. He always has.
The author has talked about the will of God. And since I have been on a journey trying to figure out what that means for me next, it has significant impact for me.
The author hasn’t blown me away yet. But he has said some things that ring true. Sometimes authors have a way of saying things that I think I thought but didn’t realize I thought them. Or maybe I thought them but didn’t know how to say them.
I’ve traveled a lot since being back. I’ve been to Texas to see a girl. I’ve been to Georgetown to see old friends. I’ve been to Falmouth to make some visits and remember another time my heart got broken. I’ve been to Tulahoma to visit a best friend. I’ve been to Louisville in hopes of finding a new best friend. I’ve continued my journey although the Africa part ended. I landed four weeks and two days ago…almost to the minute. I’ve had milestones that I might never forget over the last four weeks...some of them good and some of them not so good. I’ve prayed for jobs and relationships. I’ve sought out what is next for my life.
I was asked again this morning, by a group of people who have known me much of my life. “What is next?” I thought I knew a few years ago. Now I only know that I want to know. I took a week to ask for a clear call. I wanted to know if I should pursue or back off. I never found clarity in one or the other. But I guess I have now.
This book says that is the norm. I want God’s will to always be burning bushes or angels with trumpets. I guess usually they aren’t. Usually we are to follow what we already know. I know I’ve been called to go. I know I’ve been called to serve. I know I’ve been called into community. I know I must do those things even if I don’t know where or how yet.
I still want God to clarify my call. But I ask more today that he will give me the strength to go rather than the knowledge of where. Abraham was faithful without knowing where, I want to be that bold. Paul followed blindly (literally). I want to follow as the heroes of our faith did and continue to do today.
So I will follow. I’ll keep reading and hope that between the scriptures and Erwin I get more insight. But I’ll go. This week I’ll go to the east. I’ll add Virginia and Maryland to my places I’ve been. I’ll live in community again. I’ll venture out to do the things I know are right and merely hope that along the way I’ll learn the specifics of what to do and who will do that with me. Along the way I’ll get hurt; but I’ll heal. Along the way I’ll go astray, but the shepherd will always bring me back. I’ll read more books and pray more prayers. And because he has never failed me yet; the father will speak. He may speak in ways other than I expect or anticipate, but speak he will. He always has.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Country Drive...
Pretty amazing day today. Sometimes I forget what a beautiful part of the country I live in. The chat in Nashville went well. There is a lot to be figured out and prayed through. But we had a good discussion. He helped me come to terms with some of the drawbacks, but not some of the others. It was good to meet with an old friend and share stories and talk about what the future may hold. We both shared some of our hopes for the future. He was willing to accept and be willing to work around the reality some of my hopes may determine what city I want to live in. Literally moments before that meeting at a post office in the mall I sent a resume to Dallas. I hope to hear something from the organization there soon. I’ve received lots of support to look into that option.
So the part about today starts with yesterday. When I finished in Nashville I drove south to see some of my best friends. I had a chance to stay with Chris and Amy. They’ve been married nearly 2½ years; how sad is it this is the first chance I’ve had to be in their home. We had a great time reconnecting and telling stories. It was so good to be with them.
This morning Amy had me share some at her church staff meeting. It was fun. I’ve forgotten how to lead something here though I’m afraid. I’m having to relearn it all.
I left there at 9:30 or so. Made a couple stops before leaving town. Then I began my journey. She lives about 3 hours south on the interstate. But I went home a different way. I spent a total of 20-30 miles on the interstate. The rest I did with back roads. It was great. I was able to see the beautiful hills of Tennessee. I saw homes, and horses, and cows, and little small town restaurants that I wish I had had the energy to stop and eat in. It was a beautiful day.
It really wasn’t though. It was cool and rainy; it was overcast even when the rains stopped. But I hardly noticed. I enjoyed the scenery so much. Some of you Texas folk out there might get mad, but I have to tell you…I like Texas. I lived there and may live there again soon. But it doesn’t hold a candle to the beauty of central Tennessee and western Kentucky.
Sometimes I forget to see the beauty of my surroundings. I get so busy living life I forget to watch life. Not today. Today I watched. I was so entranced by the scenery I almost had wrecks at two different stop lights. I forgot to pay attention to those.
I hope I never forget to relax and have days like today. No matter how busy everything around me gets.
So the part about today starts with yesterday. When I finished in Nashville I drove south to see some of my best friends. I had a chance to stay with Chris and Amy. They’ve been married nearly 2½ years; how sad is it this is the first chance I’ve had to be in their home. We had a great time reconnecting and telling stories. It was so good to be with them.
This morning Amy had me share some at her church staff meeting. It was fun. I’ve forgotten how to lead something here though I’m afraid. I’m having to relearn it all.
I left there at 9:30 or so. Made a couple stops before leaving town. Then I began my journey. She lives about 3 hours south on the interstate. But I went home a different way. I spent a total of 20-30 miles on the interstate. The rest I did with back roads. It was great. I was able to see the beautiful hills of Tennessee. I saw homes, and horses, and cows, and little small town restaurants that I wish I had had the energy to stop and eat in. It was a beautiful day.
It really wasn’t though. It was cool and rainy; it was overcast even when the rains stopped. But I hardly noticed. I enjoyed the scenery so much. Some of you Texas folk out there might get mad, but I have to tell you…I like Texas. I lived there and may live there again soon. But it doesn’t hold a candle to the beauty of central Tennessee and western Kentucky.
Sometimes I forget to see the beauty of my surroundings. I get so busy living life I forget to watch life. Not today. Today I watched. I was so entranced by the scenery I almost had wrecks at two different stop lights. I forgot to pay attention to those.
I hope I never forget to relax and have days like today. No matter how busy everything around me gets.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Nashville...
Headed to Nashville today. Going to see the friend about a job that I mentioned in the update letter. Also going to stay the night with Chris and Dwight (even though that isn't really her name anymore). Pray for safety, wisdom, and a great time reconnecting.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Retreat...
I'm in the midst of a type of spiritual retreat. I'm seeking the Lord and trusting he'll not only come but speak. I need him to speak clearly as I'm not always good at listening. Join me in praying. Ask that God will meet me. Ask that he will speak clearly. Ask that he will change a heart. Ask for grace as I may try to fight. Ask for peace as I deal with heartache. Ask for patience as I wait. Ask for wisdom as I decipher his message.
Thanks!!
Thanks!!
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Home, I Guess...
I'm back in the States. It is hard to believe. We moved houses when I turned sixteen. It was tough. But it transitioned me. No longer was home a building. Home became about people - my family. As my family continued to move over the years, the house never mattered. My family was home. The more I move the more my family grows. I use that word like Africans would now. No one could ever replace my blood family, yet I've learned perhaps what it means to be the family of God as I've acquired new family. These new memebers aren't connected by blood or by marriage; they are connected by love, by spirit, by God.
Still my family is home. That continues to change as we all move. It is weird now as I sit at a computer and type in my parents house, but they don't live here. Three of the five of us are still in Africa. Two of us are now here. I'm not sure where I may settle, but one day I guess I will. I don't really expect it to be here.
As I was leaving Africa I would tell the people there that I now have two homes. I am of course from America. Yet I left not only part of my family in Africa; I left part of my heart there. I love that continent. I love those people. Part of me will always be in Africa.
Pray for me as I seek the future. Where will I live? Who will it be with? Where will I find community? Pray for me as I mourn, yet rejoice. Pray for me as I recoup and readjust. Pray for me.
Still my family is home. That continues to change as we all move. It is weird now as I sit at a computer and type in my parents house, but they don't live here. Three of the five of us are still in Africa. Two of us are now here. I'm not sure where I may settle, but one day I guess I will. I don't really expect it to be here.
As I was leaving Africa I would tell the people there that I now have two homes. I am of course from America. Yet I left not only part of my family in Africa; I left part of my heart there. I love that continent. I love those people. Part of me will always be in Africa.
Pray for me as I seek the future. Where will I live? Who will it be with? Where will I find community? Pray for me as I mourn, yet rejoice. Pray for me as I recoup and readjust. Pray for me.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
African Traveler...
Been meening to write and update all of you. But Mom and Dad have kept me swamped. I've been on the road since hitting Zambia two weeks ago. It has been such a great time with the parents. Tomorrow morning I head out for Tanzania. A week with Whitney. Then I'm back to the other side of the pond. Thanks for the continued prayers.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
First Day of the Last Week...
The last week here started with a bang! Several of us went to a town four or five hours away. We took both colleagues and nationals. We went to have a play trip. I went for another purpose also.
Three years ago or so, my friend Mark encouraged me to sponsor a Compassion kid. I did. When I looked for one I wanted one from this country and that shared my birthday. I found Ali. He turns twelve this month. He is a cute kid. I’ll put some pictures of him on the side.
Thursday, exactly one week from my leave, I went to see him and his family. They live about thirty minutes from the town we were in. Dempsey, a Compassion worker, went with me. I also took my friend Tarakegn along. We went and visited the project. Ali showed up just behind us. He was dressed in a green suit and toted some flowers along with him. He was pretty shy. I began to greet him and ask him some questions in his own language. I think he was a bit shocked by that.
For a while he and I sat with the others as they told us about the work of Compassion in this country. It was good to hear what happens with the money I send there every month. I got to meet the people that work with Ali. Then came my favorite part.
We left the project and drove down this small dirt road deeper into the town. Eventually we stopped. We were at his house. A crowd of people was gathered in the front yard. I greeted several of them as we entered the gate and approached the house. I met Ali’s parents, Misbah and Zemzem. I met his brothers – Tyudean, Sadaam, and Rayad. Ty is six. Sadaam is 3. Rayad is 9 months old. According to Dempsey this family is a little better off than the typical family. They had a nice house – it is two rooms and probably 10 people live in it. They have no electricity. They have a cow and few sheep. They must own some chickens because a few kept coming in the house and running around our feet as we talked. Yet they own no land to farm on. Better off than most means Misbah (32 years old) is able to bring home 250kg a year of the grain he grows for other people. Zemzem (24-27 years old) sells onions in the local market. Two days a week she brings home equivalency of a dollar or two. They are well off in comparison to many people that live in this country.
Ali is a good student who likes to play football (soccer). It was so good to see them. Dempsey told me the typical house visit lasts less than an hour. We were there two or three. It was so cool to be able to talk to them some and only use the translators when I needed. We shared for a while together. They brought us each a piece of bread and a cup of hot tea. Compassion projects here choose 20% of their people from the partner church. The other 80% is outside the church. Ali and his family are of the 80%. They are a Muslim family.
I asked Ali to tell me about his typical day. He wakes at 7 and gets ready for school. From 8-12 he goes to school. The Compassion kids go to a school on the church compound that runs Compassion. He comes home for lunch at 12 and changes out of his school uniform. After lunch until 6 he takes care of the animals his family owns. He comes home at six to help take care of his three younger brothers. He studies by the light of a lantern from 9-11 before going to bed. I asked him if he would sing me his favorite song. He stood and smiled. He sang us a song about Jesus. Pretty amazing this little Muslim boy can pick any song he wants, and he picks one about Jesus.
Then I asked Misbah, Ali’s father, to do the same. He wakes at 6. He feeds the animals, eats, cleans up, and heads out to plow the field. He works the field until 1. In the afternoon he helps care for the kids so that Zemzem can sell her onions at the market. At six he puts the animals in their place for the night. They eat dinner and talk together before going to bed at 11.
I told Misbah that I am a man who believes in God. I pray to God and I want to pray for his family. I told him that I believe God answers our prayers and I asked him what I could pray for. He is such a humble man. Dempsey told me as soon as some one asks this most will start saying they need a new house, or new clothes, or a cow. Misbah said, “I want my kids to be able to get a good education and be healthy.” Repeatedly, he said he wanted his kids to be happy, and healthy, and educated. Eventually he did mention it would be nice to have electricity so the kids could study easier. Then he told us about Tyudean.
About a month ago he hurt his leg. The doctor gave them some cream for it. His leg healed, but something happened to his body. This six year old will on occasion have the entire left side of his body go paralyzed. They don’t know what is wrong with him and don’t know how to fix it. The paralysis also messes with his eyes and his vision. Ali teared up as Misbah told us about Tyudean.
I told Misbah I was impressed by how much he loved his children. I asked if I could tell him a story. I told him the story of Abraham. I told him how God answered Abraham’s prayers and gave him Ishmael and Isaac. I told him how much Abraham loved his children, but how he loved God even more. I told him that if we would continue to be faithful to God he would bless us. I told him God loved him and his children and wanted to bless them very much.
Their family is beautiful. Misbah amazed me when he asked me a question. He said, “How are Mark and Jason?” “Who?” I asked. “You wrote about them in one of your letters.” (I’ll be honest; I have sent very few letters in the last three years. That will change!!) I realized he was asking about my two best friends. I told him they were well. I told him I would send some pictures of them and my family. Then I remembered I had some. I knelt down on the dirt floor beside Misbah. I made sure Zemzem and the boys could see as I showed them pictures on my palm pilot. I showed them Mark and his new wife. I showed the Jason and Christy. I showed them Amy and Chris. I showed them my family. They had the biggest smiles on their face as we talked about the people I love.
My prayer is that Ali and his family will come to be followers of the way. Misbah has five brothers all living in the same village with him. Zemzem has three brothers and two sisters – they too all live in Kuyira. They could be responsible for leading an entire village to faith. I pray a miracle will heal Tyudean. I pray God will win Ali and eventually his father, and mother, and brothers, and all of their family.
What a great beginning to my final week!!
Three years ago or so, my friend Mark encouraged me to sponsor a Compassion kid. I did. When I looked for one I wanted one from this country and that shared my birthday. I found Ali. He turns twelve this month. He is a cute kid. I’ll put some pictures of him on the side.
Thursday, exactly one week from my leave, I went to see him and his family. They live about thirty minutes from the town we were in. Dempsey, a Compassion worker, went with me. I also took my friend Tarakegn along. We went and visited the project. Ali showed up just behind us. He was dressed in a green suit and toted some flowers along with him. He was pretty shy. I began to greet him and ask him some questions in his own language. I think he was a bit shocked by that.
For a while he and I sat with the others as they told us about the work of Compassion in this country. It was good to hear what happens with the money I send there every month. I got to meet the people that work with Ali. Then came my favorite part.
We left the project and drove down this small dirt road deeper into the town. Eventually we stopped. We were at his house. A crowd of people was gathered in the front yard. I greeted several of them as we entered the gate and approached the house. I met Ali’s parents, Misbah and Zemzem. I met his brothers – Tyudean, Sadaam, and Rayad. Ty is six. Sadaam is 3. Rayad is 9 months old. According to Dempsey this family is a little better off than the typical family. They had a nice house – it is two rooms and probably 10 people live in it. They have no electricity. They have a cow and few sheep. They must own some chickens because a few kept coming in the house and running around our feet as we talked. Yet they own no land to farm on. Better off than most means Misbah (32 years old) is able to bring home 250kg a year of the grain he grows for other people. Zemzem (24-27 years old) sells onions in the local market. Two days a week she brings home equivalency of a dollar or two. They are well off in comparison to many people that live in this country.
Ali is a good student who likes to play football (soccer). It was so good to see them. Dempsey told me the typical house visit lasts less than an hour. We were there two or three. It was so cool to be able to talk to them some and only use the translators when I needed. We shared for a while together. They brought us each a piece of bread and a cup of hot tea. Compassion projects here choose 20% of their people from the partner church. The other 80% is outside the church. Ali and his family are of the 80%. They are a Muslim family.
I asked Ali to tell me about his typical day. He wakes at 7 and gets ready for school. From 8-12 he goes to school. The Compassion kids go to a school on the church compound that runs Compassion. He comes home for lunch at 12 and changes out of his school uniform. After lunch until 6 he takes care of the animals his family owns. He comes home at six to help take care of his three younger brothers. He studies by the light of a lantern from 9-11 before going to bed. I asked him if he would sing me his favorite song. He stood and smiled. He sang us a song about Jesus. Pretty amazing this little Muslim boy can pick any song he wants, and he picks one about Jesus.
Then I asked Misbah, Ali’s father, to do the same. He wakes at 6. He feeds the animals, eats, cleans up, and heads out to plow the field. He works the field until 1. In the afternoon he helps care for the kids so that Zemzem can sell her onions at the market. At six he puts the animals in their place for the night. They eat dinner and talk together before going to bed at 11.
I told Misbah that I am a man who believes in God. I pray to God and I want to pray for his family. I told him that I believe God answers our prayers and I asked him what I could pray for. He is such a humble man. Dempsey told me as soon as some one asks this most will start saying they need a new house, or new clothes, or a cow. Misbah said, “I want my kids to be able to get a good education and be healthy.” Repeatedly, he said he wanted his kids to be happy, and healthy, and educated. Eventually he did mention it would be nice to have electricity so the kids could study easier. Then he told us about Tyudean.
About a month ago he hurt his leg. The doctor gave them some cream for it. His leg healed, but something happened to his body. This six year old will on occasion have the entire left side of his body go paralyzed. They don’t know what is wrong with him and don’t know how to fix it. The paralysis also messes with his eyes and his vision. Ali teared up as Misbah told us about Tyudean.
I told Misbah I was impressed by how much he loved his children. I asked if I could tell him a story. I told him the story of Abraham. I told him how God answered Abraham’s prayers and gave him Ishmael and Isaac. I told him how much Abraham loved his children, but how he loved God even more. I told him that if we would continue to be faithful to God he would bless us. I told him God loved him and his children and wanted to bless them very much.
Their family is beautiful. Misbah amazed me when he asked me a question. He said, “How are Mark and Jason?” “Who?” I asked. “You wrote about them in one of your letters.” (I’ll be honest; I have sent very few letters in the last three years. That will change!!) I realized he was asking about my two best friends. I told him they were well. I told him I would send some pictures of them and my family. Then I remembered I had some. I knelt down on the dirt floor beside Misbah. I made sure Zemzem and the boys could see as I showed them pictures on my palm pilot. I showed them Mark and his new wife. I showed the Jason and Christy. I showed them Amy and Chris. I showed them my family. They had the biggest smiles on their face as we talked about the people I love.
My prayer is that Ali and his family will come to be followers of the way. Misbah has five brothers all living in the same village with him. Zemzem has three brothers and two sisters – they too all live in Kuyira. They could be responsible for leading an entire village to faith. I pray a miracle will heal Tyudean. I pray God will win Ali and eventually his father, and mother, and brothers, and all of their family.
What a great beginning to my final week!!
Homecoming Community...
The last week has begun. A group of us gather together here once a week. We meet together in a home. We break bread together, we sing praises together, we enjoy each others presence, we pray together, we discuss scripture together. Last night was my last. It will be tough to transition to a different model in the States. I grew up in the traditional western church model. It is responsible for my roots. It is responsible for helping me get where I am today. But it will be hard to go back to it.
When I read Acts, I see the church of Jesus’ followers. They met in homes. They shared meals. They shared life. They worshipped together and played together. They laughed and cried together. They lived the life of Christ together. Seems we’ve lost some of that in the west. It makes me sad that those who don’t follow the master seem to understand his ideas of community better than those of us who do follow him.
I watch shows like “Friends.” Sure, there is evidence of a life motivated by something other than Christ. But they loved one another the way Christians are called to love people. I’ve become a big fan of the movie version of the musical “Rent.” A Christian magazine I like slammed it. They felt it “promoted homosexuality.” In my opinion it didn’t. It showed it as a real thing that happens in our world. I’d like to see believers come to a place of knowing how to love the gay community the way Christ would. There is a scene in the movie at a cemetery. It touches me. I watch how this group lives family. They love one another, through thick and thin. They hurt when they have to be away from one another. They rejoice at chances to be together.
As the States move closer and closer to my reality I long to find community like this. I had it once. I still have those guys; we just live in different places now. Two are in Thailand, two are in Baltimore, two are in Tennessee, and who knows where I’ll be (or when I’ll find the other half of my pair!). I enter the States differently than ever before. I won’t be with my best friends. I won’t be with my parents. My sister is gone. I enter a changed person. Those most responsible for participating in my changing won’t be around me. It will be a stretch. I’ll have to learn again how to live life. But it is all part of the journey. And oh how I love the journey.
When I read Acts, I see the church of Jesus’ followers. They met in homes. They shared meals. They shared life. They worshipped together and played together. They laughed and cried together. They lived the life of Christ together. Seems we’ve lost some of that in the west. It makes me sad that those who don’t follow the master seem to understand his ideas of community better than those of us who do follow him.
I watch shows like “Friends.” Sure, there is evidence of a life motivated by something other than Christ. But they loved one another the way Christians are called to love people. I’ve become a big fan of the movie version of the musical “Rent.” A Christian magazine I like slammed it. They felt it “promoted homosexuality.” In my opinion it didn’t. It showed it as a real thing that happens in our world. I’d like to see believers come to a place of knowing how to love the gay community the way Christ would. There is a scene in the movie at a cemetery. It touches me. I watch how this group lives family. They love one another, through thick and thin. They hurt when they have to be away from one another. They rejoice at chances to be together.
As the States move closer and closer to my reality I long to find community like this. I had it once. I still have those guys; we just live in different places now. Two are in Thailand, two are in Baltimore, two are in Tennessee, and who knows where I’ll be (or when I’ll find the other half of my pair!). I enter the States differently than ever before. I won’t be with my best friends. I won’t be with my parents. My sister is gone. I enter a changed person. Those most responsible for participating in my changing won’t be around me. It will be a stretch. I’ll have to learn again how to live life. But it is all part of the journey. And oh how I love the journey.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Answers...
Your faithful prayers are being heard and answered. Good things are beginning to surface regarding some opportunities in the States. I’ll be working on a resume soon so that I can seek work that is a fit with my passions and desires.
Things here are wrapping up so well. I never expected this. I expected to be overwhelmed with tasks over my last weeks. Those are coming to a close quickly. I’ll be able to spend the end of my time in relationships. That is key here. I’ll be able to be with both nationals and coworkers. It will be such a blessing as I leave this place.
Ask that these relationships and times together will be anointed. Ask that everything will continue to fall in line.
Praise him that I have felt a peace again in the last few days that was missing at the beginning of the week. I used to meet with some brothers weekly and ask the question, “Has anything this week robbed you of your joy?” The answer is a resounding yes! But in the last day or two I have regained that joy. The Father is faithful!!
Things here are wrapping up so well. I never expected this. I expected to be overwhelmed with tasks over my last weeks. Those are coming to a close quickly. I’ll be able to spend the end of my time in relationships. That is key here. I’ll be able to be with both nationals and coworkers. It will be such a blessing as I leave this place.
Ask that these relationships and times together will be anointed. Ask that everything will continue to fall in line.
Praise him that I have felt a peace again in the last few days that was missing at the beginning of the week. I used to meet with some brothers weekly and ask the question, “Has anything this week robbed you of your joy?” The answer is a resounding yes! But in the last day or two I have regained that joy. The Father is faithful!!
Monday, August 21, 2006
Help Wanted...
My heart hurts...bad!
I'm nearing the two week point. I have lots to get done. I can't wait to see my family. I've been excited about some of the possibilities my journey back to the States holds.
I'm ready to go; but it is getting harder. Add to that, some of my possibilities in the States crashed in the last few days. Not sure what to be excited about right now.
I'm working myself as hard as I can. If I stay busy I forget I'm hurting...for a moment or two.
I could use all the prayers you can muster these days. I'm not functioning well. I don't like life this way.
See some of you very soon.
I'm nearing the two week point. I have lots to get done. I can't wait to see my family. I've been excited about some of the possibilities my journey back to the States holds.
I'm ready to go; but it is getting harder. Add to that, some of my possibilities in the States crashed in the last few days. Not sure what to be excited about right now.
I'm working myself as hard as I can. If I stay busy I forget I'm hurting...for a moment or two.
I could use all the prayers you can muster these days. I'm not functioning well. I don't like life this way.
See some of you very soon.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Reality Sets In...
I got hit hard this week. I took a trip to the countryside. We had a great trip. We visited a nomadic tribe and camped out with them overnight. The next day was a full day of driving. We drove to a town in the mountains I had been to a couple times before.
The drive was beautiful. It was the first time I had been on some of those roads. I was able to take lots of pictures. I’ll get some posted soon.
On the drive a colleague asked a question. “What will you miss the most when you go?” I didn’t really know the answer. I spent a few minutes thinking about it and then mentioned a couple things. I’ll miss the slow pace of life. I’ll miss my coworkers. I’ll miss being a part of the work we have started recently. I’ll miss the people’s hospitality. I’ll miss the coffee and the hours in cafes. I’ll miss my friends. I’ll miss lots.
I assume I won’t understand all I am going to miss until I’m gone. It was that way when I left the States too. I had ideas of what I would miss. I realized what I truly missed when I began to live life here.
But the question messed me up. It made it a reality that three weeks from today I’ll be in
Also remember me as I travel to
